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I woke up one morning to a shrieking phone. There were six missed calls from Miss Purple Lipstick the executive producer, who gives feedback on my TV soap screenplays. As soon as the fact registered, the phone rang again; it was her. Are you dead?

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I cringed. Six times, I corrected her, pronto. She shrieked about some crisis on the set because Radha was unwell and we would have to shift all the scenes to the hospital, where she is currently ensconced.

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Can I change the location of the mehendi ceremony to the hospital? I opened it and out popped a… wha… the… a dick pic! There it was, hooded, uncut, and baring itself in its shining hairless glory. Pissed at this unwelcome early morning visual treat notDick chat pretended that the connection was lost and slammed the phone on Purple. I immediately dialled Pixie, my rampantly sexual something BFF. Names changed, religions intact. Two of them, she has met and also had sex with.

So then this prudishness seemed kind of double-faced, especially since she sent pictures of her naked body all the time to her lovers. The consensus, at the end of lots of mojitos, was that women no matter what the state of the relationship, want nothing to do with dick pics. The female form is more beautiful and aesthetic as compared to men. Pixie: Wtf is a pretty penis? She is single, 29, and is looking for love now. She has kissed many a frog in her search for the prince. She has been chatting with a very talented cameraman, who is in Chennai at the moment. Last night, Eva told me that she would meet him, when he returns from Chennai.

So cam guy sent Eva a picture of his body… neck down… and there it was, artistically shot, dick chat among flowing curls, the supposedly magnificent, Dravidian testicled, erect penis. His sense of humour had turned her on, but now ADP she wondered. Dick pics, which seem to have become a Tinder protocol these days, are a confusing subject for pro-gender-equality women like us. Were pictures of penises offending us only when they came out of the blue, or were they a no-no even in the middle of hot sexting?

The questions were many, the answers confusing, and the tea had turned cold. So the debate was temporarily abandoned, to be taken up in detail over drinks later in the evening. Eva prodded the conversation that evening. There were collective gasps around the table of our favourite bar. A serious nail had been put in the coffin of dick pics and the kind of men who sent them. Me: Dick pics are just not the same as say the boob pics. Vin: Why? Eva: One is art, the other is just hairy balls. Me: One is erotic beauty and the other is Donald Trump.

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Not from dedicated penises or non-dedicated ones. Not in the heat of sexting or the cold of fighting. Dick chat far as we were concerned, there was no reason to photograph a penis — not unless the penis is a murder weapon and needs to be pictorially presented in court. And then I slept. Hung over, I sat across Purple at the channel meeting the next morning.

She was earnestly telling the producers that it was perfectly fine to put up floral decorations at the hospital for the mehendi. When the harassed and intelligent producer asked her, quite nastily, how many mehendis had she attended in a hospital, she stared at him blankly, and alled me to her for a cigarette break. As Purple smoked angry rings into the air, I watched her; she looked frustrated to me. Would you want to date him?

She looked interested, and then I swiped to his finely shot, evidently seductive, supposedly alluring dick pic. That, as far as I am concerned, was the acid test for dick pics. The Dire Wench. The Dire Wench is a Mumbai based writer who writes anything and everything for money. Including wedding cards, break up texts and make up sexts.

She is seriously non serious about everything in life. There is enough misery around; everyday we wake up to a world so tumultuous that it gets taxing to find happiness. Commitment-phobic partners beware! Pope Francis recently spoke about a civil dick chat law that allows for same-sex marriage. By The Dire Wench Sep. Love and Sex. Share this! Save to list Comments. Did you like it? Tell us what you think so we can give you more content you like :.

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